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4 Reasons goals keep you stuck & what to do about it

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Why you keep procrastinating & pushing your goals away

 

“People often say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

~ Zig Ziglar ~

Got goals?

 

Maybe you start off inspired, full of enthusiasm, ideas & inspiration.
For a while, you’re on top of the world, you jump out of bed with new energy.

You spend your day making to-do lists and vision boards.

You meditate, send your intentions or gratitude out to the universe to get focused & motivated.

You have conversations with your future self, imagining the success, abundance, health or whatever else that is rightfully yours.

You take those ‘3 small actions a-day every entrepreneur should take’ you learned about.

You get rolling.

You’re truly unstoppable now!

 

Image: www.pinterest.com

 

But then…you begin getting distracted.

In fact, you’re looking for distractions.

You feel like you’ve been doing loads and you just need a bit of a break.

Your to-do lists seem to insist on their length no matter how much work you’ve done.

Your 3-actions-a-day turn into 2…and 1…and none.

Your daily dialogue with yourself or personal god has become more of a task in itself and you’ve almost abandoned your visualisations as surely the universe shouldn’t be taking this much time to respond.

It’s not long before you’re back again in that same old pattern – pressing the snooze button, dragging yourself through the day, spending your time looking for online entertainment or more inspiration.

You’re procrastinating. You tell yourself you’ll get back on track tomorrow.

 

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”
~ Spanish proverb ~

 

You want to move towards your goals, but you also continue pulling away at the same time.

 

By Xaviera Lopez

 

You might take a few steps forward but then you step back again. You’re back procrastinating.

Or you even give up completely on your goals when consciously you seem to want them really badly.

 

Why do you keep doing this?

 

Your goals actually create a very strong emotional charge, conscious or not. They create RESISTANCE –  which is keeping you stuck.

It’s a subconscious conflict, which makes it very difficult to take action or keep on track without being pulled back.

 

Image: www.imgur.com

 

Here’s how they create resistance:

 

1. Your goals create fear

 

Fear of failure. Or of success.

Fear comes up with almost any potential for change – ‘cuz the mind perceives it as a threat, an unknown.

So you try to ignore these uncomfortable doubts and negative self-talk.

Or you try to push them down somewhere you don’t see or hear them.

 

By Xaviera Lopez

 

But these of course don’t really go away, they just settle nicely in the back of your mind, chatting amongst themselves having a laugh at your expense.

Sometimes you can still hear their whispers.

So you try to silence them or use another affirmation or positive statement voiceover.

But not even a thousand affirmations a day will help if you’ve got conflicting negative beliefs.

 

SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEFS ALWAYS WIN.

 

And the struggle doesn’t end there.

 

2. Your goals create resistance to where you are now

 

Just by having a goal, you’re automatically going to be experiencing some level of resistance to what’s already HERE NOW.

‘Cuz you want things to be different. You want to be there, not here.

So underlying frustration, tension or some degree of suffering will be present whether consciously aware of it or not.

There will also be some resistance towards the action steps you need to take in order to achieve your goals. ‘Cuz you don’t really want to be doing all that hard work – you just want to get there – sooner rather than later!

This resistance expresses itself by feeling confused or overwhelmed.

You might not know how to go about things or even where to start.

 

Stuck goals | mindset coaching

Image: www.dribbble.com

 

You might get lost already in this early stage. You procrastinate, postpone taking action for later, in the hope that you won’t have to experience all this tension right now.

But of course you still want your goals, so the (unconscious) discomfort doesn’t actually go anywhere.

 

3. Your goals create a feeling & state of lack

 

In order to achieve anything, you should have a clear goal in mind, think positive, believe in yourself and have trust in at least the possibility of making it a reality.

But often, no matter how many times you repeat your affirmations or visualisations, it all seems too far-fetched.

As you continue focusing in your mind on things you ‘want’, the message you’re actually sending your mind is the feeling of lack.

This is because you obviously wouldn’t be wanting something you’ve already got.

This feeling of ‘not having’ continues to create even more wanting, more frustration, and even more resistance.

 

Wanting goals | mindset training

By Nicolas Fong

 

I’ve heard so many times “but I’ve been doing my affirmations & visualisations a thousand times a day, I don’t understand why it’s not working”!

So this is why.

And not only do you create a state of lack internally, but as a result you also create this in the external world because your actions, decisions and behaviours come out of and express this state of mind, producing more of the same.

And this creates even more of that feeling of lack and even more of wanting your goal…

 

4. Your goals make you feel unhappy

 

You feel that your happiness & contentment, wellbeing or self-worth are dependent on whether you achieve your goal or not.

“I’ll be happy when…” or “I’d be feeling so much better about myself if…” etc.

So to top it all off, this creates not only more resistance, but also anger and resentment towards the goal in itself.

Because you obviously don’t want your well-being or happiness to be dependent on anything, and you’re not too pleased with the goal making you feel this way.

So you push your goals aside, subconsciously saying: ‘How dare you stand in my way to happiness!’

No wonder you’re stuck.

You’re constantly trying to pull your goals towards you while pushing them away at the same time.

With all your good intentions, you just can’t seem to take off.

 

By Maria Kellerac

 

So what can you do about it?

 

1. Allow fears to be there

 

Fears and beliefs around your goals are made up.

While there are very useful tools to help change your beliefs on a subconscious level, the first thing you need to understand is that

 

FEAR AND DOUBT ARE COMPLETELY NATURAL, AND THERE’S NO NEED TO FIGHT THEM AT ALL.

 

Whatever you fight, will fight back. The more you resist, the more insistent they become.

When you stop fighting them, they have no reason to stick around demanding your attention.

Just like any ‘guest’ dropping by, they just want to be welcomed for a while.

 

By Maria Kellerac

 

What’s more, the fact that they’re there is an indication that you are in fact on the right path – because they’re simply part of the process.

Fear means BIG change is possible, and your mind is preparing for something new.

Once you’re able to accept this idea and allow fears to be as they are, they’ve no longer got any power over you.

They haven’t got the need any more to shout when you’re trying to focus, nor will they whisper behind your back.

Soon enough, the ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ self-talk learn to coexist, cooperate and motivate each other; the positive encouraging and inspiring the negative, and in turn the negative doubts promoting more ideas, problem-solving, learning and more action by questioning and inviting you to prove it wrong.

 

2. Focus on creating rather than having

 

Sure, continue to imagine, visualise, affirm and plan.

But changing your perspective from wanting to get to or to have, to wanting to create purely for the fun of it, makes taking action easier.

This is because you don’t feel that so much is hanging on it.

Instead of desire, or wanting to gain or get anywhere, you’re in a state of passion & gratitude, wanting to express or share.

 

Image: www.giphy.com

 

3. Allow yourself to be where you are

 

TO GET INTO ACTION, IT’S BEST TO DROP YOUR DESIRES – LET GO OF WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE.

 

Be less bothered.

Why would you want to do that? Surely, aiming somewhere is a good thing? Without goals no one would be doing anything at all!

True.

But practicing ‘striving in contentment’ will actually help you move.

This comes out of a state of already ‘having’.

Be aware of the difference between your end result and your state of fulfillment. We’re all heading towards the inevitable ‘end result’ anyway, right? So is there anywhere, really, we can ‘get to’ at all?

So maybe you can recognise the purpose of goals is not necessarily to achieve them, but simply to be focused on your true path of passion?

When you’re on your true path or facing the right direction, you get to experience all that it’s got to offer along the way.

When you become less attached to reaching a particular destination,  not only will you enjoy your time more (and isn’t this the ultimate goal?), but you’ll also find the fears around it drop.

It’s a win-win: it no longer matters that much where you end up, and movement forward  becomes a hell of a lot easier.

 

SO YOU’RE BOTH LESS BOTHERED ABOUT THE WHOLE THING WHILE MORE LIKELY TO ARRIVE!

 

ENJOY THE RIDE!

 

Image: www.dribbble.com

 

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Maya Zack | Mindset coaching for business women

Hi there, thanks for dropping in

I help ambitious online-business owners who struggle with confidence or feel stuck, using unique tools to get them unstuck & into action!

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